This past Saturday I went to Nancy's house with Lincoln and I suggested to Noah that after his appointment we were going to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid. He said he didn't want to go. Fine, then he wouldn't even go with me to see the doctor. Nancy drove him. Before this I talked to her and she wanted him to decide (which is inappropriate, he's a kid!) and I told her that I found the Doctor, I scheduled his meetings with the doctor, I'm paying all the bills, the very least he could do was to go there with me. As usual, that meant nothing to her.
Well, it's all going to change next weekend; Noah and I will start seeing him together. Hopefully we can work out whatever "issues" he has so we can get back to some schedule where we see him that is regular, predictable and not some huge drama-infused production.
Last week on the 14th (Wednesday) he was scheduled to have a meeting. Nancy had car trouble so she didn't take him. I can't make those meetings becuase the doctor only has the 3:00 time slot open so I couldn't get up there and take care of that but I called an appologized.
Yesterday, Wednesday, he had another appointment. Apparently he did go and both Nancy & the doctor have been talking with Noah about the fact that I will be joining his sessions. At the end, the expectation is that Nancy will join us too so that we can all buy in and support the end result.
Noah is taking the medication bump in the afternoons to help the afternoon and night homework schedule. He has a math tutor now and his math is now not getting a letter grade but he does the same work and gets credit, just not a standard letter grade. We are looking at possibly doing something like this for language arts as well. His IEP has just been modified so that he is allowed extra time to complete assignments and modify the grading model. Today I will get a copy of the tutor schedule and a copy of his new daily school schedule.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Dr. Jenkins tells all
Sharon & I met with Dr. Jenkins yesterday at 5:00. Noah had to miss because Nancy had car problems so I tried for a Tuesday appointment because Nancy said that would fit her schedule and Noah's school schedules better. Dr. Jenkins really had nothing but Wed. so I rescheduled for next Wed. again at 3 pm.
I was frantically checking email waiting for the draft letter from Peter but it just wasn't ready so we had to go without but I will share it with Dr. Jenkins on Saturday. The Draft did come today through email and I forwarded it on to Sharon and printed it. It just reiterated the custody ruling and that she is in contempt and what she needs to do to comply. Oh, and then there's that change of venue thing for her to sign.
Back to the meeting with Jenkins, he let us know that it would not be good to eliminate video games entirely but that strict limits must be imposed and he thought that the rules that I already covered with Noah was good. Noah probably won't remember those rules and I'll have to go over them again. He also thought the video games were probably too violent but may be unavoidable and that the "friendships" he forms by being online during games was OK as long as it's monitored carefully.
We reiterated that Noah needs to go back and forth but that 50% was probably not something that was going to happen right away. So we understand even at the beginning, it might just be one overnight a week or something. But we could build from there. Also that Nancy has to be on board and that would need some other "authority" to get that to happen. The doc also said that Noah would have to be part of the planning of this idea and I reminded him that my plan was to start meeing with him and Noah so that we could get to a place of trust. Then I want to start including Nancy in those meetings so that we can all reach a comfortable concensus and workable plan. Dr. Jenkins thought that that could start after one more meeting with just he and Noah.
We talked about Nancy's inability to be a parent and her lack of follow-through with anything she's ever tried and how we have butted-heads recently on what is best for Noah. Her lack of willingness to help Noah develop skills for long-term survival is baffling and, we think, harmful to Noah. He may feel better for now but he has no skills to help him cope without her. Maybe he learns some skills with Dr. Jenkins but he has no need or desire to implement or practice them while she coddles him. Of course, he's going to want to be where there are no rules and all freedoms. We talked a little bit about the fact that Noah has been winning these power struggles and that can't continue. He will have to understand eventually that he is not yet at the point where he is allowed to decide what he will and won't do on his own.
I'm tired now.
I was frantically checking email waiting for the draft letter from Peter but it just wasn't ready so we had to go without but I will share it with Dr. Jenkins on Saturday. The Draft did come today through email and I forwarded it on to Sharon and printed it. It just reiterated the custody ruling and that she is in contempt and what she needs to do to comply. Oh, and then there's that change of venue thing for her to sign.
Back to the meeting with Jenkins, he let us know that it would not be good to eliminate video games entirely but that strict limits must be imposed and he thought that the rules that I already covered with Noah was good. Noah probably won't remember those rules and I'll have to go over them again. He also thought the video games were probably too violent but may be unavoidable and that the "friendships" he forms by being online during games was OK as long as it's monitored carefully.
We reiterated that Noah needs to go back and forth but that 50% was probably not something that was going to happen right away. So we understand even at the beginning, it might just be one overnight a week or something. But we could build from there. Also that Nancy has to be on board and that would need some other "authority" to get that to happen. The doc also said that Noah would have to be part of the planning of this idea and I reminded him that my plan was to start meeing with him and Noah so that we could get to a place of trust. Then I want to start including Nancy in those meetings so that we can all reach a comfortable concensus and workable plan. Dr. Jenkins thought that that could start after one more meeting with just he and Noah.
We talked about Nancy's inability to be a parent and her lack of follow-through with anything she's ever tried and how we have butted-heads recently on what is best for Noah. Her lack of willingness to help Noah develop skills for long-term survival is baffling and, we think, harmful to Noah. He may feel better for now but he has no skills to help him cope without her. Maybe he learns some skills with Dr. Jenkins but he has no need or desire to implement or practice them while she coddles him. Of course, he's going to want to be where there are no rules and all freedoms. We talked a little bit about the fact that Noah has been winning these power struggles and that can't continue. He will have to understand eventually that he is not yet at the point where he is allowed to decide what he will and won't do on his own.
I'm tired now.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Nancy & the Lawyer
Talked with Nancy today about Noah's school schedule and what days/times she can get him out of school and to the doctor's. Tuesday seems best based on Noah not having an academic class at the end of the day and Nancy being free to take him...check this out with Jenkins on Wed. I need to have a talk with Lincoln about going somewhere when Nancy has a meeting. I will get her the numbers of all the people on the street and the babysitter, Mckenzie. Meanwhile, I told her about the change of venue coming but did not mention the accompanying letter. That should be drafted this week and I will be emailing Peter Bunch to get me a copy ASAP as I would like to show it to Jenkins.
Again at the Doc's
Later that day I talked with Nancy twice about getting Noah to Dr. Jenkins' office. I told her and repeated that I wanted to take Noah since I needed to talk to the doctor anyway. But when I got to her house, he got in her car and she drove him. I took Lincoln and after a talk with the doctor, Lincoln and I went to the mall, got lunch and went to Penny's. He got 2 pairs of wayfarer shorts, a nice double shirt and some socks.
A little about the Dr.'s visit...I laid out what had happened with Noah & Lincoln that morning and reiterated what I had said in my phone message last week (not returned) that we would be happy with some option that was less than 50% time at our house as long as it was regular and predictable.
I mentioned that as well as Noah getting on board, Nancy must also get on board. She is the author of this mayhem and must understand that she is breaking the custody order.
I told Dr. Jenkins about seeing a lawyer. Essentially that we were looking in to legal options if therapy didn't work out. We don't want to go that way and the lawyer mentioned, what we all know, that the best solution is through therapy. He also suggested additional therapy sessions so we have made an appointment for Wed. at 3:00 and are thinking about whether we can make this a regular thing.
In discussions with Nancy, it looks like Tuesday would be best, if Noah has to get out of school because he has assistance in the afternoons that day rather than an academic class. Dr. Jenkins told me that he doesn't have late afternoon or evening sessions.
Sharon & I have our appointment with Dr. Jenkins also on Wed. but at 5:00pm.
A little about the Dr.'s visit...I laid out what had happened with Noah & Lincoln that morning and reiterated what I had said in my phone message last week (not returned) that we would be happy with some option that was less than 50% time at our house as long as it was regular and predictable.
I mentioned that as well as Noah getting on board, Nancy must also get on board. She is the author of this mayhem and must understand that she is breaking the custody order.
I told Dr. Jenkins about seeing a lawyer. Essentially that we were looking in to legal options if therapy didn't work out. We don't want to go that way and the lawyer mentioned, what we all know, that the best solution is through therapy. He also suggested additional therapy sessions so we have made an appointment for Wed. at 3:00 and are thinking about whether we can make this a regular thing.
In discussions with Nancy, it looks like Tuesday would be best, if Noah has to get out of school because he has assistance in the afternoons that day rather than an academic class. Dr. Jenkins told me that he doesn't have late afternoon or evening sessions.
Sharon & I have our appointment with Dr. Jenkins also on Wed. but at 5:00pm.
Trouble at Nancy's
Nancy had the boys this weekend and decided to go to a party and leave the boys at home on Saturday morning. Lincoln turned his music down when Noah told him to but they got into a row anyway. Noah kicked Lincoln very hard in the leg, flipped him off and used the word "friggin'". Lincoln called me hurt and scared. I went over and comforted him. I wanted to talk to Noah but he had barracaded himself in the bathroom. I wanted to talk eye-to-eye but Noah would not come out. After about half an hour of this I got angry and started banging on the door and raised my voice but that didn't help. Nancy showed up about 15 minutes after Lincoln called. She was very contrite about leaving them alone and made it clear that she was not going to do that again. She told me that she had done it before and that had gone badly too. I guess she didn't remember. She did say that the behavior and the language was not out of character between them at her house. I was shocked since I have never seen/heard and would not allow that at my house. In the end I corrected Noah through the door and reminded him about Nancy's "deal" about videogames, language and violent behavior. He finally came out but went to lay down in his bed. I did not try to talk to him. I continued to comfort Lincoln. He was scared that Noah was going to hurt him again and he decided to stay to hear an apology. I don't know yet if Noah apologized or not.
Post Easter
Noah was missed greatly and I shared most of it with Dad and Paul. The rest of the family just heard the minimum from Sharon. Lincoln and Sophia had a wonderful time...Pike's place, Your in the Movies game, family & food.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Easter & the Doc
We visited with Peter Bunch today and learned alot about the law as it relates to custody of problem children.
Noah chose to skip Greek Easter with the family at Paul's and stay with Nancy by himself instead.
I called Dr. Jenkins and left a message...
Noah chose to skip Greek Easter with the family at Paul's and stay with Nancy by himself instead.
I called Dr. Jenkins and left a message...
- Want Noah to see him more frequently
- Set an overall goal: Noah needs to spend overnights here on a schedule (not necessarily 50/50)
- and a deadline by which time we want that to happen: 4-6 weeks
- Affiirmed that he needs to insist that Nancy and he talk about these issues
- Reminded the doctor that I want to start meeting with Noah and him to work out some of these issues surrounding being at our house.
- Also need Sharon & I still need to see him separately.
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